If I were reborn...

i will be constantly on the move, stimulating myself with new sights and knowledge, to prevent myself from sinking into mediocrity. i will not have to worry about money because i will not be stuck in an environment that places emphasis on it. i will engage in paid labour when needed and demand immediate payment for fulfilling my immediate needs. i will certainly not be married or tied down in any way because i have suffered enough from trying to fit, trying to adjust. it's never about the two of us, it's always the whole ching gang of stuff and detestable human beings that come along. i do not have to be social and i laugh only when i want to. i do not have to contort any part of myself to fit into any roles, parts, space or circle. i will be alone and seek company, partners, human contact whenever i feel an urge to satisfy any needs that might surface, after which all contact will be discarded like used tissue paper. no baggage, no lingering connections and no need to remember to phone who. if no one deigns to be engaged with me, then i shall be alone and enjoy my loneliness. i do not practise censorship in all sense, whether in speech, manner, behaviour or thoughts. i will have all the time to read and ponder and write, hopefully gaining some money in return to buy myself an occasional coffee. i will drift from one place to another, and no one will know me. truly. i will feel reborn again and again in each new environment and whatever it brings to me. that is truly paradise, which only death and rebirth can deliver.